Sexual Brokenness

How I Approach Sexual Brokenness

A man’s sexuality is a gateway to his identity. Many men find it difficult to understand why they are drawn to undesired sexual behaviors. They long to be faithful partners and to act with integrity, yet they find themselves enslaved to behaviors they feel they can no longer control. This can take the form of an online pornography addiction, affairs, visiting strip clubs, soliciting prostitutes, prolonged fantasies about a neighbor, colleague, or random stranger, as well as many other issues.

Behind any such form of sexual brokenness, there is the desire for something beautiful. Some form of goodness or wholeness that has likely been long forgotten or given up on. Lasting healing comes when this desire is awakened; not suppressed. The philosopher C.S. Lewis put it very well:

“It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy [has been] offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” 

– C. S. Lewis, Weight of Glory (emphasis added)

Most men have also experienced some form of sexual brokenness. This could be a seemingly small issue, such as being teased by other children about slow sexual development or exposure to pornography at an age well before the images or video could be understood and processed. Or it can be major, including physical and sexual assault. In either case, these can have long-lasting effects on a man’s sexual development. It can change a man’s pleasure and arousal sensors, making it difficult for him to enjoy the sexual experiences he desires. I have journeyed alongside many men who have experienced dramatic changes in their physical response to sexual stimulation through the process of emotional healing.